Call of Oniichan: This Time, Its For Brother
by thatshiphassailed2
Summary: The epic prequel to the shrektastic one-shot fanfic "The Half-Eaten Turkey Sandwich of Destiny." Join Ikumoto, as she embarks on a journey to get revenge on the one whom she admired the most. This book is rated NSFW (Not Safe For Work). You have been warned...
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Trials of Tribulation

Everything was right in the world. The birds chirped, the sun shone, the local catgirls roamed the streets. Ah, yes, Necko Necko... um, I mean it was perfect...

"Oniichan!" cried Ikumoto, jumping up and hitting herself with her own breasts,"Ow!"

"Yes, what is it?" responded Itachi Uchiha.

"Will you betray me?"

"Of course not!" he exclaimed, "Now, run along and play with the Neckos' while I betray you."

"Okay!" responded Ikumoto, running outside, her hair flowing fabulously, "Blaire!"

"Pumkin, Pumpkin!" called Blaire (From Soul Eater) as she tranformed right in front of her.

"How are things?" Ikumoto bent down to pet her, but sadly, the passerby wouldn't have been fazed, her butt was as flat as her chest was curvaceous. Weirdly.

"Good!" replied the witch, "It smells like onions! Do you have some?"

"Of course," the loli replied, beckoning her to follow.

So the duo strutted in with the tender fruit of the ogre on their minds, Ikumoto expecting to see Itachi right where she left him, but he was gone.

"Oniichan!" she bellowed, walking to the frige, "Want some onions?" No response. She opened the frige, and instead of finding shrektastic onions, a note replaced them.

"Ha Ha Ha!" the note read, "I ate all the onions. I _did_ betray you- Itachi. P.S. You should've been expecting this. I mean come on. Follow me and I will betray you again. Believe it."

"Noooo!" yelled Ikumoto, crumbling to the floor, "Damn you Sasuke's brother!"

She cried for a thousand days and nights. Then anger ensued. She would get revenge on Oniichan. Because, it was the call of Oniichan that beckoned her once again. This time, its for brother.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Bootcamp

Ikumoto decided to join the army, to become the super sand lesbian required to enact her carefully and not-so-thoughtfully-plan-which-come-to-think-of-it-was-hastily-made-in-the-first-place plan. She was soon accepted as a recruit because apparently a 14-year old girl wanting to join the army is not suspicious at all.

"Alright you asshats!" shouted the commander, "I am Commander Captain Sensei-Sama-Senpai-San-Kun, and this next to me is Captain Lieutenant Dr. Pimpdawg McGriddle, your boot camp drill Surgent. If you break the rules, he will pimp slap you so hard his watch will fly off and hit you again. Is that clear?" No one said anything.

Captain Lieutenant Mcgriddle slapped all of us.

"Yes," they murmured grudgingly.

"Good!" he mused. "Many of you came here to become badasses or to kill all the titans-" he looked at Eren, who blushed modestly, "-or to catch them all-" he looked at Ash, who was playing his Gameboy Color by Nintendo, "But none of that shit matters. This is fucking 'Murica! That's why you are in the army. But first, you all need to get ripped!" The Commander Captain ripped off his shirt and showed us all his manly man muscles. "You guys are gonna get physical! Run a thousand laps around the mess hall."

Cries of outrage emerged from the group.

"Shut your whore mouths, all of you!" cooned the Captain Lieutenant, "While Commander Captain Sensei-Sama-Senpai-San-Kun is away, I am in charge." He struck the nearest person to him, and blood exploded from his ovaries as she met a brutal end. "While he is here, do his bidding. Now run!"

"Before you do, strip," C.C.S.S.S.S.K. added, "It causes less air resistance when you sprint. I will even take them off for you."

That was that. Ikumoto took off her sailor outfit, preparing for the long dash when Light Imagay walked up to her.

"Hey," he greeted, " Are you a notebook, cuz you got sexy written all over you. "

"Fuck off," the loli said, "I don't need your fuck boy boner."

Light cried, and waddled away, where he was struck by lightning and died.

The sprint was terrible. It took all day and most of the night, and when Ikumoto was done, she became thirsty. So, she pulled out a Coca-Cola, looked directly into the camera, and stated "Share a coke with, a loli." And on that day, humanity was given a grim reminder of the might of product placement.

Ikumoto didn't sleep that night. The revenge she felt for her Oniichan fueled her rage, so much so she wanted to rip off his pen15, feed it to a pig, shoot the pig, stick it up his anus, and call him her bitch. Her dreams were interupted by a bull horn.

"Rise n' shine, bitches!" shrieked C. .P.M., waving his pistol, "Time for your next training lesson. Be out on the obstacle course in 10 minutes, or no breakfast." He turned to leave, then stopped, "Oh, and those who stay behind, will get raped." Ten poor souls lost their lives that day.

Ikumoto put on her uniform, and joined her commrades at the course. As she gazed into the horizon, dramatically, one thought came to mind. "What the fuck are those!?" In the vague distance, cumming in hot pursuit, were teletubies. All five of them.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Ikumoto sounded the alarm. "The teletubies are cumming!" she hollered, streaking through the obstacle course, "Run! Protect your virginity!"

"My virginity?" Yugi stopped her in her tracks, "You'll have to duel me for it." He brought out his deck.

"Yugi, now's not the time," she insisted,"They will decimate your anus, and it will implode."

"Oh god!" Yugi held his buttocks as he ran inside.

"What's this about virginity?" Commaner Captain Sensei-Sama-San-Kun emerged, wielding the Orgasm Ray, a fiece weapon stolen from Shrek's arsenal. "I'll teach those bastards a thing or too."

"Um...Sir?" mumbled Ikumoto, "Why are you naked?"

"I told you-" he aimed, "-It decreases air resistence!" He shot the first one, and it went done in a spasm of pleasure. The others' increased their speed.

"Big black hairy balls!" the Commander cursed, "Out of ammo. Looks like I have to switch to hand-to-hand-combat."

In no time at all, the beasts overwhelmed him. One grabbed his penis, teared it off like tissue paper, and waved it triumphantly for all to see. "Noo!" he cried, "My Rock Lee!"

"Somebody has to help Sensei!" uttered a recruit,"They want his boobalicious buttmilk!"

"They won't get it though." McGriddle burst onto the scene, warming his pimp slap for use, "Check yo' self b'fore yo' wreck yo' self." His hand flew with the force of a thousand suns, obliterating the fifth teletubie so that its brains squirted everywhere. The others, scared for their lives, left. The pimp stooped down. "Someone get the Doctor!"

"Captain! Aren't you a doctor!?"

"That's just my pimp name. My real name is Tifanny. Now go get him!"

Ikumoto got the doctor. "Mhm," Dr. Ben Dover mused," He's losing too much semen. Don't worry, I will replace his Rock Lee with a tentacle. A robo one. With lasers. And blades. And-"

"Thats enough," Ikumoto interrupted and when she did Dr. Ben got sad. "Who sent them here?"

"Shrek," cried Sensei-Sama, sitting up. "I stole his Orgasm Ray. He wants it back. He will send more minions, so clench your anuses and prepare." He then passed out.

Everyone was ordered to their bunkers. While Ikumoto was sleeping, someone tapped her shoulder. It was Donkey. She wasn't so happy. He roared a might roar and filled her mouth with his love. People tried to stop him. He just fingered them all. When the mule got his fill, he whispered in her ear: "Tell your sensei to return Shrek's Orgasm Ray. Or its all ogre." He flew out the window.

No one slept the rest of the night.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Ikumoto," greeted Commander Captain Sensei-Senpai-Sama-San-Kun,"We need to talk."

"Hey," said Ikumoto, noticing the bulge in his pants, "Do you have a banana down there or are you happy to see me?"

"A banana," he pulled out a banana from his trousers,"Putting fruit in your underwear keeps it fresh." When he saw the puzzled expression on her face, he sighed. "Anyway," he continued, returning the fruit to where it once was, "How would you like to join the Lewd and Offensive League of Ingenouses, or, L.O.L.I. for short?" he popped the question like a new bottle of viagra.

"But why me?" Ikumoto questioned.

"Because, you took that raping last night like a man."

"But I'm a girl."

"Exactly."

So, it was with these words that Ikumoto was inducted into the L.O.L.I. Army.

"Sir," Ikumoto huffed while she was training,"How is your Rock Lee?"

"Fine," he grumbled,"But please use its other name. Its called Dill Dickinsion now." Dill Dickinson squirmed in approval. "You'll have to meet the main leader of the L.O.L.I. Army. Oh, there she goes now."

Her hair flowed in thick tendrils down her back, reflecting the sunlight in such a way that it shimmered softly. Her strut bore grim determation and kawaii-ness only a moe could achieve.

"Armin!" Ikumoto cried,"Is that you?"

"Well, yes, fair lass!" Armin stood before her in all of his feminine glory. "Is tho thy new commrade? If that is the case, ye need this." He pulled out a pistol.

Ikumoto concurred: "I don't know how to shoot one.."

"Ignoramus! Digress, for shooting it shan't!" He pushed her to the floor and stuck it where the sun shone, but only on Tuesday's."Tis the latest in thy Anti-Rape defenses. Any friend or foe that dares enter, shall get a forts-night of pain."

C.C.S.S.S.S.K. grabbed his Dickinson. "Don't say such things around him! I just got out of surgery!" He ran away crying.

"I must be going. We are planning a raid tomorrow. Blood shall be spilt! And our army will reign victorious! Oh, and since I heard you didn't watch anime-" he tossed her a DVD case,"-Here's one to get you started." He left Ikumoto with all three episodes of Boku No Pico.

All 200 L.O.L.I. Operatives were present in the briefing room. "Moku-chan has brought to our attention," started the pimp doctor,"That Shrek may indeed try to aquire a weapon far more powerful then the one we previously stole, the Orgasm Ray." He turned on a powerpoint presentation, which showed the gun. "Now, this weapon, holds the secret to our victory or our demise. But its location is currently unknown.

"We must steal...Akeno's pantsu!" The room gasped in suprise.

"Yep. General Armin has put me in charge of assembling a five-man cell. In it are... Mikasa; acting as captain-" Mikasa sniffed her scarf and muttered something about smelling Eren, "-Hinata; acting as the scared chick who will probably do nothing-" Hinata blushed about Naruto, "-Shiro; acting as the brains, Sandy Buttcheeks; acting as the furry-" Sandy complained about not going home to Texas, "-and, her very first mission, Ikumoto; acting as Big Boobs Brunete!"

Everyone clapped.

"The squad will move out tomorrow. Meeting dismissed!"

Ikumoto's butt hurt, so she got some ice. Noble-Senpai walked up to her.

"Well hey there, beybeh," he said, "Are you a catgirl, because I will let you play with my balls of yarn. Just remove the yarn."

"Die a horrible and painful death," commanded Ikumoto.

"That's cool, that's cool," he said, "Good luck on your mission then, whore." He left, crying horribly.

Ikumoto slept the night away, dreaming of tomorrow, Itachi, and tentacles.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The squad departed at dawn, armed with high-caliber rifles and decked in full L.O.L.I. gear.

"The intel from Headquarters says that Akeno was last sighted at a lingerie shop." Mikasa took a large huff from Eren's scarf. "If she changes her pantsu, all of our efforts will be for nothing."

"But why do we need her pantsu?" asked Shiro.

"Don't ask such stupid questions!" raged Mikasa, "Of course we need them. For research purposes... Also, we need to capture her as well. She has broken the law by selling hentai."

"And? What's the problem," said Ikumoto, "I used to sell hentai to the catgirls in my neighborhood all the time and I didn't have any problems."

"Baka!" hissed she, "She sold a 30 minute OVA for a thousand dollars! The law states that hentai should be affordable to everyone."

"The horror!" cried Sandy, "At the very least did it have furry-tentacle-schoolgirl-yuri-beastality-dildo-gang bang action?"

"No," said Mikasa.

"Shush," hushed Hinata, using her byakugan, "Someone is following us."

"Into Defensive Position 69," whispered Mikasa, arming herself with a kunai knife, "And yes, yes it is."

All of the operatives got into position and trained their rifles on...a princess!?

"Zelda!" exclaimed Sandy, "What are you doing here?"

"You asshole, its Link not Zelda!" said Link, "Anyway, its dangerous to go alone, take this." He held out something to them, and it was a pair of black panties!

"A-Are those.." Sandy stampered, "Akeno's pantsu?"

"Haha, no," said Link, putting them back into his pocket. "They are mine. Why would I help a bunch of asses anyway?" He went up to Sandy, punched her in the balls, laughed, and rode Epona into the sunset.

"We need to get her to a hospital," said Hinata, helping Sandy walk, "What's the nearest one?"

"Weenie Hut General," grumbled Shiro, looking at her GPS.

"Any place else?"

"A McGronald's," said Shiro.

"Perfect," agreed Ikumoto, "We can go to McDonalds, get Sandy patched up, get something to eat, and be right back on our way!"

"No objections? Its settled then," said Mikasa, "To McGronalds we go."

"Welcome to McGronald's, home of the Big Mac, how may I take your order?"

"Uh, yes," started Ikumoto, "Can we have uh, five Fatty Meals, five orders of fries with extra lard, and, five 'Diabetes Diet Cokes?"

While Ikumoto ordered the food, Hinata was looking at a boombox. "Hey, lady," she alerted the cashier,"Can you turn on some tunes?"

The cashier complied, powering it on with a click.

"Somebody once told me, the world is gonna roll me, I ain't the smartest tool in the shed," it croaked.

"ERMAHGERD I LOVE THIS SONG!" shouted Hinata, dancing terribly.

"I don't," responded Sandy, "This song gives me bad vibes. I love Texas."

"Sandy!" shouted Mikasa, "No one gives a fuck about you loving Texas! I don't care, Spongebob doesn't care, now sit down and watch hentai like a normal person! THIS ISN"T EVEN MY FINAL FORM!"

"Woah, Mikasa," soothed Ikumoto, between bites of chicken nuggets, "Here eat a snickers."

"WHY! I WILL BECOME HOKAGE!" raged Mikasa.

"Because, you turn into a typical anime protagonist when you're hungry." Ikumoto fed the candy bar to Mikasa. "Better?"

"Better." And once more, the universe knew the might of product placement.

"So much to do, so much to see, so what's wrong with taking the backstreets. You'll never know if you don't go, you'll never shine if you don't go."

"Wait!" said Hinata, "This is-"

"Yes-" interrupted the lady cashier, who turned out to be...Akeno!? "It is Shrek's anthem. And you are already too late. He has recruited me." She ripped off her uniform and jumped onto the counter, preparing for a fight.

"Men!" ordered Mikasa, "Shoot on site!"

All of their bullets missed her and she laughed. "Catgirl army! Come hither!"

The resturant was quickly swamped (pun) with kawaii cat girls, but they were so kawaii, not a single soul could bring themselves to shoot them. They were quickly overwhelmed.

"Nyanners, my main catgirl," Akeno huffed, "Attack the big boobed one. She will be first to feel Shrek's ogre force."

Nyanners prepared to attack when Ikumoto emitted so much ki, it knocked her off her feet.

"Oh no!" she yelled, "She's either really constipated or she is gonna turn-"

"LOLI SUPER SAIYAN!" shrieked Ikumoto, her hair turning blonde and pointy. The whole transformation took five minutes, in which time either party could have attacked the other, but instead they waited patiently.

"Kill her!" commanded Akeno. But it was all ogre. The super saiyan loli ripped through their forces like a clenched anus, and stood over Akeno in triumph. In one move, Ikumoto pulled off her pantsu, leaving Akeno for a retrieval squad.

Next time on Dragon Ball Loli: Ikumoto, having reached the full potential of loli saiyan, does nothing important in the next chapter,and its only 10 more episodes until Frieza is Defeated! (but then he gets revived and becomes more powerful later. For more info, see Resererrection "F").


End file.
